Receipt of Regret

It was a total nightmare!!!

First he showed up twenty minutes late, no text, no call

Said his watch stopped — yeah right, whatever

Then he complained my restaurant choice was “ too far”

But he drove here in his brother’s truck

And asked me to pay for parking!!!

We finally sat down, he ordered the most expensive thing

Two appetizers, a steak, and dessert “ for the table”

I had a salad

When the check came, he goes “ Oh, I only brought my card for emergencies”

SIR, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY FOR MY WALLET!!!

So I smiled, said “ be right back”

Walked to the bathroom, then straight to my car

He texted me “ where are you?” ten minutes later

I typed “ home” and blocked his number

Lol!

He told the waiter I was paying

The waiter came outside looking for me

Sorry, not sorry — that’s what you get

For ordering truffle fries like a king on a peasant’s budget

Next day he left me a voicemail

Said I was “ rude and immature”

Buddy, you wore dirty sneakers to a dinner date

And asked to “ borrow” my lip balm

I’m not your mom, I’m not your bank

This isn’t a charity, it’s a receipt of regret

He asked for a second chance

I asked for Venmo

Lol!